


Bang Bang

by prophet_of_troy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Loss, Past Abuse, Romance, True Love, Very Autumnal Atmosphere, harsh truths
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-06 19:30:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20512295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prophet_of_troy/pseuds/prophet_of_troy
Summary: Flashbacks of a happier time, when a broken man fell in love with a lost woman.





	Bang Bang

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Sing-Me-A-Rare Volume 4. Much love to my Alpha who shall remain nameless for the moment.  
Song Prompt - Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)- Nancy Sinatra- Kill Bill vol. 2
> 
> Please note that these are merely the moments that stick out in his mind, from solely Sirius' POV. They may have had more moments than what is written, but these are the moments that come to mind at the time he is.... well..... you know....
> 
> Also, the formatting took away my italics and I'm not sure how to get them back....

_______  
Sirius could remember the very first time he'd met Petunia Evans, the first time he saw her blonde locks, blue eyes, and angry face that made her flush. It was so long ago that, truth be told, he couldn't remember what they were fighting about. Just that the flush on her cheeks and the way she pursed her lips made him think suddenly that she looked rather fetching and he'd kissed her there in front of his friends. She didn't hesitate, didn't even take a moment to enjoy the kiss- which wounded his pride more than what came after did- before she shoved him away from her and slapped him as hard as she could.

It was far from the only time he'd ever had a bird slap him, but he'd never been slapped for kissing a girl. Well, okay. A girl had never slapped him for kissing them, other girls slapped him for kissing girls that weren't them. And, wasn't surprising birds with a passionate kiss the sort of manly, impulsive thing that girls liked?

“You bint!” He shouted, spatting out a bit of blood from his lip catching on his teeth when she'd slapped him. “What did you do that for?”

If he'd thought she was angry before, it was nothing in comparison to the fury he saw in her icy eyes now. “Well that's what you get for kissing strange girls you've only just met, much less one you've been such a beast to!”

He sneered at her the way he was loathe to admit he'd learned from Snivellous. “I thought it might shut you up and make you a little less frigid, for one!”

Actually he hadn't thought, but the line worked and her eyes widened in indignation. His face was still stinging, his lip still throbbing, but he pretended not to notice either. That would make things too easy for her. She took a deep inhale, the screeching coming out of her mouth with more ferocity than before. “FRIGID?! I'll show you frigid!”

It was at that point his traitorous and half stunned friends had stopped laughing to come to his rescue. He only saw her a few times after that before that Halloween, and thought of her even less until he was out of Azkaban and with Harry. At first he'd been shocked, and even doubtful, when his godson began telling him horror stories of his upbringing. At his disgust with the relatives, though admittedly his aunt least of the three, Sirius made the decision not to tell him of the first meeting between himself and the boy's aunt. 

Bang bang!

He'd been tempted to speak to Petunia about it. Despite not ever having seen her before without somehow arguing about something- she'd been reasonable once, hadn't she? Before she'd married that whale that only wanted her to be a perfect house wife, before she'd lost that curious light in her eye that had made him kiss her in the first place, before Lily died. It might be nice to see someone else from the old days- other than Remus; his brooding friend who spent more time charting the moon nowadays than helping cure Sirius' cabin fever boredom. Even if that someone was someone he despised as much as he actively despised her.

As it turned out, he didn't have to sneak out to make the journey to Surrey in the name of his godfather duties. She came to him, with a bruised face, a son, and a curious light once more as she took in his ancestral home. 

“Sirius,” she said quietly, as though she hadn't despised him every bit as much as he'd despised her. “It's been a long time.”

He noticed immediately her strong hold on her son, and her inability to look him in the eye. He heard himself respond before he made the decision to speak at all, saying back, “An age.”

A million scenarios flooded his mind as to how her face became so bruised, rationalizing why each was plausible or not as they came. Finally, one of his more hopeful- if hopeful was really the best way to put it- theories was confirmed by Harry's sheepish explanation with a side of shrug and teen angst. “Two dementors attacked me and Dudley, and Uncle Vernon thought I'd done something. Aunt Petunia tried to stop him, but, well....... I told them they could stay with us wherever I was being taken. I'll admit, I was half expecting the Burrow. What is this place?”

And with that, his fantastic godson provided him with an explanation he could live with, and a perfect segue to avoid the topic altogether- leaving Sirius to smile indulgently and wave a hand about. “This is my home, well my parents'. This is where I grew up.”

Bang bang!

She avoided him for the rest of the summer, walked on eggshells around the house as everything else went on. She pretended not to notice, not to care, but those expressive blue orbs told him she was faking it. Told him this wasn't Petunia Dursley any longer, but Tuney Evans- the dear sister of an old, dear friend. She was quick to tell him differently the first time he called her that, however, leaving him grateful he'd done it with no one else around. It had just slipped out, really. His mistake, of course, that he let slip how he'd been referring to her in his mind as.

“Don't,” she hissed, giving him a glimpse of the fire she'd had their first meeting. Her brow was furrowed, her icy eyes ablaze, and she looked remarkably like the girl he'd kissed years ago. He remembered with only a second to spare before he repeated the mistake, the slap, and artfully decided to not again. “Don't ever call me that. Only-”

She stopped herself, but he knew the rest. “Only Lily called you that.”

Petunia sniffed passively, as if it didn't matter, but he knew otherwise. “I'm sorry. I didn't think. I miss her too, you know. Both of them, everyday.”

“If she hadn't gotten that bloody letter, then we'd never be in this mess. If Potter hadn't knocked her up, they'd have never had to go into hiding. They'd have never been killed.” She said it suddenly and forcefully, her voice angry and trembling a bit.

“You'd not have a nephew, were that the case,” he reminded her, trying to diffuse the situation likely to rise were she left to vent about everything that happened to have them both where they were. “And I remember Lily telling us just how much you loved the Wizarding World. How bitterly excited you were every summer.”

She turned away with a different sort of sniff. “I'd rather have my sister and no memory of it at all, thank you very much. What did it ever get me? She went off and learned all that.... stuff.... got herself killed, and left me alone the way she said she wouldn't.”

Sirius' tensing shoulders relaxed at the bit of selfish honesty he himself were often too scared to say aloud. That was exactly how'd he'd felt since that Halloween when the world became a strange place he no longer wished to be, even after he'd reunited with Remus and Harry. He felt constantly alone. He braved dangerous waters once more, reaching a hand out to gently turn her to face him. He hadn't believed it himself before when Remus had told him, but as he relayed the wisdom to her he did. 

“You're not alone.”

“Everyone's alone,” she said in a surprisingly calm and resigned tone, crossing her arms in a familiar defensive stance. “Sometimes we're just alone with other people.”

Bang bang!

He expected her to go to even greater lengths to avoid him after that, but the morning after their hushed discussion in the hallway the night before, Petunia was downstairs in the kitchen and talking to Molly as though they were old friends. She looked as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and perhaps placed upon Sirius'. 

He hadn't slept for thinking about what she said, and when he did sleep she haunted his already ghostly dreams. He'd gotten out of bed finally at the delicious smells coming from down the stairs, feeling a sensory overload as though he could smell everything too much, hear too much, see things too close. He didn't hear Remus walking up to him from behind until his friend nudged his arm and he about jumped out of his skin. Remus immediately drew back and displayed his hands peacefully, despite the sudden movement bringing a touch of amber to the werewolf's eyes.

Sirius relaxed and went back to watching the two women in the kitchen without giving Remus an explanation. Hermione had the kids at the table with their books open finishing their summer assignments, with even Dudley looking over Ginny's shoulder with curiosity. His godson briefly glanced up and gave him a wave before Hermione pulled his attention back to their essay. He overheard enough whispering to know that they were working on Potions. That Dumbledore let Snape teach was-

Petunia's laugh at something Molly said stole his attention, as he was sure he'd never heard the sound before. He would have imagined, had he the inclination to have done so, that her laugh would have sounded forced and restrained; not this free and joyful sound he was listening to now. He wasn't the only one either. Everyone was looking at her with wonder now- even Hermione's eyes were torn from her studies- and Petunia's laugh faded naturally before she noticed everyone's attention. Her cheeks pinked with embarrassment and she once more pursed her lips and focused back to a piece of streaky bacon in need of turning. Harry cleared his throat with purpose and the kids all went back to their books again.

When she finally dared look up, her eyes met Sirius' and appeared grateful for some reason- with the crinkles at the corners of her eyes not yet relaxed into nonexistence again, and her face still flushed. He was probably imagining the tug of a smile he saw at the corners of her mouth.

Bang bang!

It was in the middle of the night again, and Sirius was hungry. Not hungry, not really, he meant hungry in more of the sort that he only wanted a biscuit or two, or even just a sandwich. Perhaps some toast. Carefully, not wanting to wake anyone to explain that he was hungry, only not really, Sirius made the familiar way down to the kitchen. This stair creaked, that floor board groaned, he made it around the corner still glancing over his shoulder as he waved a light to appear- and jerked in surprise at a violently startled Petunia; who'd also been up for a late night snack.

“I'm so sorry,” she stuttered immediately. “I was just having trouble sleeping and- and- ow!”

She'd clenched her hands anxiously to find that she'd cut her finger with the knife she'd been cutting her sandwich into four perfect squares with. Sirius' heart calmed from the start and he went over to look at it. She hissed when he took her hand, and he noted absently that her skin was rather soft. 

“I didn't mean to scare you,” he told her.

She glared at him. “You didn't scare me.”

He scoffed. “Obviously, of course, silly me. Be still, it's an easy fix.”

Sirius didn't acknowledge the flinch she gave as his wand came into view. After hearing Harry tell him that James had faced Voldemort without his wand, Sirius never went or did anything without his. He muttered the incantation, one he remembered from those numbered Auror days with James, and her small cut knitted itself back with ease. 

“See?” He said, laughing away that he'd just noticed their close proximity. “Not all magic is bad.”

“That was wonderful,” she told him.

“Why are you whispering?” He asked her in a quiet voice. 

She smiled and answered his question with another. “Why are you whispering?”

They both chuckled a bit under their breath, but continued whispering as though they'd get caught like children that were up too far past their bedtime. The real children, most of them, would be leaving for Hogwarts the next day. Sirius had heard from Remus that he'd offered to tutor Dudley in his Muggle studies seeing as he wasn't returning to his own school. 

“Are you ready for tomorrow,” he asked her, taking the square of her sandwich that she'd offered- sans the cut flesh from her finger.

“I should be asking you that,” she said, picking at the crust before eating it. Watching her do it made him smile a bit. “I'm not going, but the boy- Harry- says he thinks you'll try to.” 

Sirius smiled in earnest. “I've lost too much time with him because of my lack of forethought. I don't want to miss another moment, and he's already spending most of the year at Hogwarts and half of the summer..... elsewhere.”

Petunia frowned. “I wish I felt that way about him, but the truth is I can barely stand to be near him. Every time I look at him, I see Lily and I can't breathe. I know it's not fair, and it's not his fault, but that's how I feel and no matter what I've tried I can't stop it. He's been so different since we've been here. I see him with his friends and I try to think of him as just Harry, but I can't.”

She glanced up at him with glassy eyes and the beginnings of a red nose. “Does that make me a monster, Sirius?”

He almost told her a pretty lie, but stopped at the way she said his name. As if his opinion mattered to her. “Yes, it does, but we're all monsters in the end.”

“You're not,” she told him, “letting all of these people stay here in your home.”

“James' was my home,” he replied. “I hate this house. Really, I'd just as soon burn it down and live on the street as a dog, but the Order needed a safe house. I never thought it was possible, but I hate this house more now than I ever did as a child.”

“If you hate it so much, why do you stay here? Surely they would understand.”

Sirius suddenly became very uncomfortable discussing this, but found that it was hard to stop. “No one does. They'd tell me I was being selfish, that I'd be putting myself and potentially everyone else in danger. I do plan on going to the station with them tomorrow, and I'm sure I'll receive an ear lashing for it once we're back.”

Petunia frowned. “Who are they to tell you what you can and cannot do in your own home when they are only guests? That's so rude.”

“Well, I am still a wanted fugitive,” he reminded her in an easy, teasing tone- having enjoyed watching her become indignant on his behalf. 

Her face colored and she drew away from him. “I suppose I forgot. I could hardly believe it in the first place when I saw it on the telly, and I was even more appalled when Mr. Lupin told me who it was you supposedly had a hand in harming. Imagine, you, a murderer!”

His face darkened. “I would though, Petunia. If I ever get my hands on that rat that did have a hand in killing Lily and James, I'll kill him and I'll bring you his head for your mantle piece.”

“Such a gentleman.” He looked over to see that she was smiling sadly. “It wouldn't bring them back, Sirius. I think, being here, I'm coming to a peace about it I'd have never found before.”

“Bring them back, no,” he agreed, eyes skipping down to a smear of marshmallow puff on her lower lip. “But maybe it would banish the nightmare that's been left in their wake.”

Petunia didn't respond, and then she couldn't as he closed the distance between his lips and hers. She hesitated at first, and for a moment he thought she was going to slap him again before her hand came to rest on his face and she fell deeper into the kiss. When it was over, their breath mingling they were standing so close, she looked into his eyes with a sort of look he didn't understand but thought he might like, and then she quietly slipped out of the kitchen and back upstairs to her room.

Bang bang! 

Things quieted down after everyone had left for Hogwarts, which only made it that much easier for Sirius and Petunia to steal away into a forgotten room somewhere in the house like two giggling teenagers. There was plenty of snogging, he'd admit, but for the most part they'd build a fort like construction to disappear under and confess to each other their deepest sorrows and most secret of thoughts that neither would have dared voice to anyone else. 

They hadn't had a discussion of terms, had made no promises to each other than the other's presence, and in that sense they slipped into an easy companionship. Petunia was still married, Sirius was still an outlaw, James and Lily were still dead; and for all of that they found comfort in each other. Sirius found that while he'd been absolutely stir crazy being cooped up in the nightmarish house like an animal, in a cliché and unforeseen circumstance, decided that if Petunia was there he didn't mind so much. 

She smiled now, a near constant source of low sunlight in the otherwise dark world of Grimmauld Place, and she laughed even more- the same joyous sound. Even Dudley seemed to be doing better if he was going by Harry's past. Petunia poured encouragement over him constantly, sitting at his lessons with Remus; and if Petunia was sitting with them for the lesson so was Sirius. 

But Sirius didn't read her Harry's letters, didn't tell her about the toad teaching the children defense- and the term teaching was used very lightly- and he didn't tell her about the letters he wrote back. He was sure she knew he was corresponding with Harry, she'd been there when Molly and Arthur got their letters, but it was another thing they didn't talk about. Like they didn't need to. It was as though, at least on Sirius' part, they talked to each other about so much that the things they didn't discuss didn't matter so much.

“Aren't you afraid,” she asked him quietly one late morning when they'd absconded in his father's old study. “I've overheard all the talk of war at your meetings-”

“Meetings you aren't supposed to be at,” he interrupted in a tease.

She rolled her eyes and continued, “Aren't you afraid that whatever magic you have around this place won't be enough to keep the war from coming in? Arthur's injury was a warning.”

He grinned at her, trying to disarm her worry. “I'm not lucky enough to get some of the action. Grimmauld Place is Unplottable, protected under the Fidelius, and I have my little secret weapon up my sleeve should we become trapped with the need to get out fast. Don't worry about Arthur, he's strong. Everyone in the Order is, and everyone will make it out.”

He knew he was lying to her, but she seemed to allow herself to believe him. She laid her head on his shoulder and sighed. “What if we don't? What if something happens to Dudley, or you, or me, or- or even Harry? This panic feels like it did the last time when Lily told me she had to go into hiding. That's, that's not exactly what's going on now is it? I don't think I could stand it.” 

“That's not what's going on,” he told her. “Not at the moment. The war was much further along then. It's different this time. This time the Order's got a secret weapon of it's own. Petal, I won't let anything happen to you, Dudley, or Harry. You have my word on that.”

He felt her nuzzle into his shoulder. “But you, I don't want anything happening to you either, Sirius. Promise me-”

He interrupted her with a smile, “Like they'll let me run off into a battle? I'm not going anywhere.”

There was silence, and he was almost asleep the way he thought she already was, when her voice piped up quiet and desperate.

“Do you promise?”

“I promise,” he told her, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand.

Bang bang!

Christmas brought everyone to Headquarters, and the place he'd dreaded being since he was a child was suddenly even more bright and filled with joy than it had the summer before. He, Remus, and Dudley had all been at Petunia's disposal decorating to make a cheerful homecoming, with Molly constantly at her husband's side while he recovered with the hope he'd be able to come home for the holiday. There was a blanket of sad disappointment over everyone at the announcement that he wouldn't. Petunia's face fell at the realization, and Sirius' stomach twisted into a knot as if he was the reason, then watched in wonder as she brought the smile back- if more subdued- and declared that they would just have to make the best of things, and Dudley, dear, would you grab that pair of scissors that I may have left in the kitchen?

The effect it had on the children coming for the holidays was instantaneous. Sirius watched their drawn faces brighten and color at the sight of the place. To Sirius' own surprise, they took Dudley into their fold with ease as they had over the summer, and what might have been a dark and desolate affair became something special. 

“You must feel quite accomplished,” he told Petunia later that evening. “You've saved Christmas.”

He was rewarded with a nervous smile before she went back to watching Dudley talk with Ginny excitedly about something. “Do you think they like it? Truly? They're not just pretending to out of charity?”

Sirius took her hands in his and turned them into the shadows so that she'd look at him and they could remain unseen. “Petal, everything looks amazing. You're fretting over nothing. Let's just enjoy the holidays as they are, okay?”

He kissed the backs of her hands and her shoulders relaxed with a small smile on her face. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it about me.”

“You didn't, everything's all right, now let's go greet everyone properly.”

Her smile grew and she took a deep breath before nodding. “Let's.”

Late Christmas night, after presents had been exchanged and fair wishes had been expressed, long after they were once again the last ones awake in Grimmauld Place, Sirius and Petunia spent the night in love and laughter only meant for them. He presented her with his gift, and her eyes widened in worry. 

“Oh, Sirius, don't! We've been stuck in this house, and I haven't anything for you- I- how did you even get anything under such house arrest-”

“I've got my ways,” he told her. “Anyways, this wasn't something I had to go shopping for. It belonged to my mother, and I thought you might appreciate it more than she ever did. It will look better on you anyway.”

That seemed to make it worse. Her face reddened and she sputtered in embarrassment. “Sirius, no, really. I wouldn't be able to bear it, being given a gift when I have nothing for you. I-I'd feel so useless.”

He shook his head quickly, seeing that she was working herself into a tizzy over it. “Then don't think of it as a gift! I don't want it to be thrown to garbage, but I don't want Kreacher getting his hands on it. Hold on to it for me, will you?”

“What is it?”

“Open it and see,” he said coyly, secretly quite proud of himself and somewhat nervous.

Carefully she undid the wrappings that he'd thrown together the week before, then he'd stuffed it in his wardrobe so that he wouldn't have to think about or look at it. He knew as soon as she'd gotten to the gift, because her eyes widened and her nose flared in an emotional sort of way that he saw when she was trying to keep herself from tearing up. She looked up at him, her eyes dripping shamelessly. 

“Sirius, I- this is so beautiful. I-it's too beautiful! I couldn't possibly accept this.”

“You'd be doing me a huge favor,” he prompted hopefully.

She sighed at him and sort of smiled, her eyes turning back to the locket. His mother had kept locks of hair in it as a sentiment, but Sirius knew how many Dark spells and hexes required the victim's hair and had never been fooled. Like many things, however, Sirius was sure that Petunia would take something that had once been Dark and frightening and make it beautiful. 

“Open it,” he told her in a whisper.

Obviously somewhat hesitant, she did so. He'd expected her to drop it as though it burned her, or maybe close the locket as to ignore the pictures inside it, but instead her teary eyes drank them in.

“She really did love him, didn't she?” She said, not turning away from the moving picture of James and Lily at their wedding.

“At least as much as he loved her,” he told her.

Petunia nodded. “I see it now. I didn't before, I didn't want to, but.. she knew love before she- I'm glad. I'm glad for her.”

And Sirius kissed her.

Bang bang!

Petunia was asleep when the Floo call from Snape came. She hadn't been feeling well the few days prior, and was trying to beat whatever bug she had before everyone came home for summer. The potions she'd taken for it, the throwing up, the fatigue, the cold sweats, none of them had worked. Sirius was just going to wake her, try to convince her to eat something, when the call came. 

Harry was in danger, and Sirius knew if he woke Petunia that she'd beg him to stay; be close, be safe. Instead, he kissed her cheek- she was too exhausted to stir much. 

“I love you,” he whispered.

“Love you,” she muttered back in a way he was sure she wouldn't remember later. 

It was a glorious fight. Sirius felt mildly guilty, having gone to save Harry only to find that he was having a great time fighting the way it used to be done. No more hiding behind locked doors, no more lurking in the shadows like cowards. This was the way wars were meant to be done.

“You can do better than that!” He called out to Cousin Bella gleefully. 

Yes, don't hold back. This is war. Family means everything and nothing in war. Give me your best, and I will give you mine, and we'll see who is standing in the end of things.

He never even saw it coming, the red flash that threw him back into a stumble. He looked over, the laughter frozen on Bella's face, time frozen, and Harry's eyes locking to his. James came to mind; Lily, and Remus, and the day Harry was born..... and Petunia. 

I'm sorry, he thought, wondering if she'd know. I'm sorry that I broke my promise. I'm sorry I have to leave you.

Would she cry? He found himself wondering mildly as he fell back into the Veil. Would she go back to Dursley? Would she forgive him? Would Harry?


End file.
